Bollocks To Amsterdam Introduction (Spoken)
Ladies & Gentlemen, I put it to you that we Brits are a welcoming people.
When Caeser and The Romans hit our shores we said, “Come in Claudius – thanks for the wine – try some whisky”
When the Vikings sacked Lindisfame we said, “Come in Abba – have some Newcastle Brown Ale”
When William was the Conqueror we said, “Come on in Pierre - thanks for the Cognac – try some real Ale”
When the Irish crossed the sea we said, “Come in Paddy with your potatoes – we’ll provide some bangers for your mash”
We more recently so welcomed new friends from the Sub - Continent that we adopted the Chicken Tikka Masala as our national dish.
However our tolerance has been stretched of late. You see, the only problem with multi – culturalism is bloody foreigners!
There is a new more serious group of arrivals whose presence many believe to be pernicious or even subversive – and if I may direct my ire more precisely – I am making specific reference to the fu**ing Dutch!
This phenomenon has moved me to song…
Bollocks To Amsterdam (the song)
When it’s Crop again, we should sing again,
Bollocks to Amsterdam!
With their muesli too, it looks just like spew,
Bollocks to Amsterdam!
They’re all blonde and tall and can sing fu*k all,
I wish they’d all go home.
Stupid language has this nation,
Sounds like verbal masturbation.
So preserve our beloved clan, and sing –
Bollocks to Amsterdam!
First there’s Ajax Frits, he gets on our tits,
Bollocks to Amsterdam!
Plus the Assen Hanks, they breed like Yanks,
Bollocks to Amsterdam!
With their dams and dykes, lots of little tykes,
Invasion by caravan.
Should you see one, don’t converse man,
You’ll get more laughs from a German.
So preserve our beloved clan - and sing,
Bollocks to Amsterdam!
Blue eyed Aryans in their painted vans,
Bollocks to Amsterdam!
Gave us advocaat which some Dutchman shat,
Bollocks to Amsterdam!
Yet this land so small can play good football,
Maybe they’re not all bad.
And their women are so pretty,
Lets invade their biggest city.
Euro – sex to extend our clan,
Let’s take our Bollocks to Amsterdam!!